January 6, 2011
Today marks the day 2 months before my birthday. Yes, I start celebrating a good month before my birthday so I thought I could tell everyone that my birthday is 2 months from today. We gotta get ready. It’s a big one. :)
Well, as I’ve said things have been hard for me lately. I woke up this morning and I didn’t want to come back to KM 8. I don’t even know why really- I just didn’t want to. I got here and tried to put on a good attitude and clinic just seemed really long today. I was a little frustrated about that and some people were a bit grumpy today so that didn’t make things any better. But then Hanna came to visit us and brought some packages so that really made me happy. :)
This afternoon we did some house to house visitations just to say hi and let people know our clinic hours and we also had to get some data for Dr. Maxson when his group comes. I enjoyed meeting and talking to the people but after we did the visitations I felt really discouraged. Our community is fairly large and the work that needs to be done needs a group of at least 20 people. We just don’t have the man power to be able to accomplish everything. That is discouraging to me because I do want to help these people and they deserve to have the best. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like we need a leader with enthusiasm here with us to guide us in the right direction. I feel like all we have right now is 4 tired girls trying to seem excited about something that we are not that excited about because we need so much more energy and man power. I just feel so inadequate and unprepared to tackle this.That’s another hard thing about this year- our group is so small, yet so much is expected of us. It really begins to wear a person down very quickly…
This evening we went and Hanna and I played volleyball with the locals and that was really fun. I was feeling so down before we went but once I got there and started playing I really enjoyed myself. I think it got my endorphins going and really just brightened my mood. They play every day so maybe that can be my outlet… And it allows me to meet more people and get to know them in another way. And I like that.
I think this whole process of me trying to sort out my feelings and my attitude is going to be a long ordeal. And I think it’s something I’m going to have to pray about and consciously work on every day… Please continue to pray for me. I appreciate it.
Now it’s time for Silly Songs with Larry… or just another random thought from Rach. Whichever. :) haha
I just want to say, that I cannot wait to go home to a place where people don’t stare at me like I’m from outerspace. I’m so tired of being the blonde white girl that stands out from 10 miles away. When I walk anywhere people just stare. Sometimes I’ll be standing somewhere and people will just look at me. It’s like they are studying me and trying to figure out what kind of life form I am or something. Middle aged men think it’s entertaining to whistle at me and try to get to me to pay them some sort of attention. Then there are the younger guys who also whistle extremely loud and shout every phrase that they know in English. For example, today the phrases were, “I love you”, “Hello, how are you?”, and “You are so pretty.” And then, if I ever look at them many times I will see them with a girlfriend or wife at their side! What kind of men are these?! And how do you love people like that?? I just get really tired of being the center of attention and discussion. I would like to trade places with them for just one day and see what’s so special about the gringa. I just don’t get it.