Friday, September 24, 2010

wowzers.

September 23, 2010 at 10:28
It was a rather uneventful day here today, but I’m writing about it anyway because although it may seem mundane each day has a purpose. :) This morning we went to Pucallpa again to check med prices at one more pharmacy in order to find the lowest prices. Yesterday Steph and I had gone to 4 pharmacies but we didn’t go to the one that the doctor thought had the best prices so we went back to check that one out today. It is quite the chore- finding the cheapest prices on meds and trying to organize the list and tell the doctor what we found and then trying to come up with the money to buy them… Currently, our total is at about $1800 to buy the meds we need.
This afternoon Hanna, Jenessa, Steph, and I went across the street to the juice stand where our friend Lady works. She had some more delicious OJ for us and then we invited her to the week of prayer that has been happening this week at our church in Santa Elvita. She was really excited and she came tonight! We were very excited. She is planning on coming tomorrow and I think even on Sabbath for church!
I feel like I write about food a lot, but I’m going to do it again. Haha :) I made an epic supper tonight. Tostadas! I made 45 tortillas from scratch, made a ranchish sauce, made delicious beans, Hanna made rice, Jenessa made pico de gallo, Steph chopped some veggies, Lauren shredded cheese and we ate well!! They were soooo good, but it took me a solid 2 hours to make it all, and about that long to wash all the dishes afterwards! Haha. It was so worth it tho. I loved it. And when you make a good meal here you feel very accomplished. And everyone seemed to really enjoy it so that made me feel good. Cooking is really becoming a hobby of mine. Haha :)
Overall, a pretty solid day. I had a moment of missing Mitchell really bad and missing my family and home really bad, but those just come and go everyday… I was talking to my mom last night and she asked how I was liking my quick dry towels that we bought just for this. I told her it feels like I’m drying off with a Kleenex. She thought it was hilarious, but it’s so true. Trust me. haha. I miss my clean shower and bathroom and a nice fluffy cotton towel. That’s one of the things I can’t wait for when I get home. So, all of you enjoying fluffy towels and a clean bathroom with a toilet and shower and sink all in one place- ENJOY it and be thankful for it. Haha :) it’s so funny how things that at first seemed so crazy and so different are now becoming the usual. I guess that means I’m just adapting. And all the local guys here are super great. We’ve been having fun talking to them and just hangin out. They’re a lot of fun, each in their own way. We’re lucky to have them here :) I only wish that I was going to be here all the time cuz I want to get to know them better and practice my Spanish with them because they help me sooo much!
Well, we told the guys we were going to make them a good lunch but we didn’t get back from Pucallpa in time, so the deal was that we have to make breakfast for them in the morning to make up for it. Haha. So, I’m headed to bed. :)

flavor.

September 21, 2010 at 11:03
I’ve been enjoying the past few days because they have been a bit less hectic than last week. It’s nice for a change. I’m trying to make the most of these days now, because I know once we start the big clinics days like this aren’t going to happen too often.
This morning we worked on the med list for the doc so he could see what we have and what we need to buy. I guess we are short on money for meds so we’ve been postponing medical clinics until we get more meds. So, if you feel so inclined to send your mission dollars our way it would be much appreciated! Not just for meds- AMOR Projects is an awesome place, and like any independent nonprofit organization it needs a lot of support from wonderful people like you! :) There are many needs here, and of course bills to pay and all that.
Steph and I ran into Campo this morning as well to buy a few more groceries and fresh produce. We found some good stuff. I’ve really been loving the papayas here and the pineapples, bananas and platanitos, and mandarins! Tasty :) I’m going to miss this fruit when I go back home.
After lunch I decided to make some cookies. I whipped up a batch of peanut butter oatmeal cookies and I have to say, they were pretty much delicious. :) I think I made around 40 something cookies and they were gone within 10 minutes I think. Haha. Then we made pizza for supper. We really like good food here. Tonight we decided to put hot peppers on the pizza because we’ve all been longing for hot food. Well, Steph was cutting the peppers and when she was done she went to blow her nose. However, she did not wash her hands before she touched her face and the juice from the pepper burned her poor little nose! We didn’t really know what she could put on it to help, but Shirley (the doc’s wife) told her to mix sugar and a little water and put that on her nose and it helped! So, I learned a new remedy to help a hot pepper burn. Haha.
There is a week of prayer going on at one of the churches some of the SM’s attend (we go to different churches) and so we’ve all been going to support our friends who are speaking this week. Toward the end of the meeting today someone came in and said there was a fire at a church member’s house. We all got up and ran as fast as we could toward the flames that were billowing from the roof. It was a kitchen fire. Thankfully the kitchen and the house were 2 separate buildings and thankfully no one was in the kitchen when the fire started. Unfortunately, the kitchen was a wood hut with a thatch roof so none of it survived. It was just so scary to watch it burn. It kind of made my stomach hurt. I just wished I could have done something but there is really nothing anyone could have done. I’m just so glad that no one in the family was hurt. I was sure someone was going to be badly burned and we were going to have to rush them back here and take care of them. And I’m not exactly a great burn nurse. Haha. So thank you Lord that everyone was safe. Many people came to help and eventually they did get all the fire put out, but I don’t know if any part of the building will be salvageable or if they will just have to start from the ground up…
Tonight Steph and I were working on a little birthday surprise for Mitchell. I guess I shouldn’t say anything until his birthday in case he’s reading this ;)
AND my parents called my cell phone tonight which was exciting anyway, but they told me that my dad is coming to see me at Christmas time!!!! :) :) :) I’m SO excited!!!! :)
Well, I’m pooped. I think the new missionaries are coming tomorrow morning early so that should be exciting to finally have our whole team here! On that note, I’m going to bed. Buenas noches!

Friday, September 17, 2010

outrageous.

September 16, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Oh wow. Today was crazy. We saw 140 patients and did 2 surgeries! I’m exhausted. Haha. But I have got to write down the story now! :)
We got to the village at 9 and started our set up. Today we packed everything a little different and brought quite a few more drugs so we decided to set everything out more so that things would be easier to get at. Right from the beginning things got going. Steph and I were super busy filling prescriptions- then the doctor would ask us to come do other random things for him. I assisted with 2 vaginal exams, put topical anesthetic on a little boy’s private issues, gave a screaming child a shot in the butt, and handed out more worm meds then I can count. And that was only in the morning! Haha :) We took a lunch break for about an hour- half of which was spent in the pharmacy getting more meds. This afternoon I was working away filling prescriptions and the doctor had Steph doing a bunch of ear irrigations. She said she saw some crazy stuff. Oh- and she also did a finger nail extraction this morning! This afternoon was just crazy busy. I hardly had time to take a drink of water. I gave a ton of shots in the bum and as soon as I was done filling the last prescription I had to run over and assist the doctor with a hernia repair surgery! It was definitely one of the craziest things I’ve seen or done. It took a long time, and it was dark- thankfully tonight we had electricity but the bugs were all over us. I guess this lady had had this hernia for 24 years! I think that’s why it was so hard for the doctor to repair, well, that and the conditions were less then favorable for this type of procedure. He was pushing and prodding and stuffing and cutting… I was just watching and holding instruments in awe of the whole thing. Haha. I love it. This is stuff I would never get to do or see at home, and I’m just soaking it all in. :) At one point I was worried that he wasn’t going to be able to repair it. But finally he figured out a way to poke in back under the muscle and we put a few stitches on the inside and a few on the outside and I gave her a shot in the butt. Haha. Then about 30 minutes later she got up and walked out of there. The people are so incredibly strong and brave here. It’s pretty amazing. The second surgery wasn’t near as cool. It was a small tumor on the hip of a younger girl. The doc just cut the whole thing out and sewed her up. But the amazing thing was, it literally took him probably 20 minutes to do the whole thing. It was so fast. We didn’t get out of the village until a little bit after 9 pm. It was a LONG day.
Oh, and after all that I had to fight off a gigantic moth that was in my shower. I mean this thing was like 4 inches across. Ridiculous. I killed it. With my flip flop. Hardcore, I know. Hahaha :)
Well, I guess we’re going to Pucallpa tomorrow for some government health fair thing… I don’t really know anything about it, but I do know I’m tired and it’s time for bed. :) buenas noches.

chaos.

Chaos.
September 15, 2010 at 11:21 pm
I really should be sleeping at this point in my day, but way too much happened for me to just skip writing! :)
So- this morning Caleb (one of the other SM’s) went to get gas for the truck and other equipment before we left for our clinic. Well, he ended up getting in a wreck! Thankfully, he is just fine but the back of our truck is all messed up. Caleb was trying to make a left turn and a taxi was coming up behind him and trying to pass him so when Caleb turned the taxi hit the back of the truck. Not only that, but Caleb didn’t have his license with him- he forgot it at the house- so they took him to the police station. The whole process ended up taking all morning and we were all very worried because no one really knew what was happening!
Well, the doc still wanted to do the clinic so he sent motorcars out to the house to get us and all of our gear. It took 3 trips to get all of us and the stuff to the village, but we made it. By that time it was noon, and we were all a bit mad to find out that the doc wasn’t going to be to the village until 2. So, we had all skipped lunch for nothing. But I had been snacking all morning so I wasn’t that hungry :) It was a bit frustrating, but Steph and I made the most of our time by organizing meds and labeling some bags of meds so they would be ready. At 2 we started the chaos. I took a few BP’s but then the doc was sending people out with prescriptions so I started to fill those. I have to say, I’m getting pretty good. By the end of the year I’ll definitely be a pro. :) We even got to give a few injections today, which I personally enjoy quite a lot. Haha. Then at 5:45 ish the doctor told us we were going to do another surgery. This time our patient was a cute little 4 year old girl. She had a big tumor on her upper thigh. We set up the equipment for the doc and got the girl situated. He came in and as soon as he put the needle in to numb her leg she started screaming and thrashing. It made my heart hurt to see her like that. But we had to hold her down tight so the doctor could work. It took 2 members of the dental team helping us to get the job done. I assisted again-handing him instruments and gauze, cleaning, holding clamps in place and the like. It was way awesome. The tumor was kind gross, he popped it and all this nasty cream cheesy looking gunk came out of it. Oh nasty- I don’t know if I can eat cream cheese anymore. Haha. We got the whole thing out and sewed her back up. Overall she did really well. Oh, I forgot to mention that in the middle of the surgery the power went out! Daylight was diminishing rather quickly and we finished the surgery with only a few headlamps to shine the way. Haha. Needless to say, even though it was a half day it was an exhausting one. Then when we got back tonight I had to sterilize instruments for our surgeries tomorrow- I think we just have 2, but you never really know. Haha.  I got them done, and this time I did not burn then in the oven! If we only knew how hot it really was…
God definitely gave me strength today, and I’m definitely going to need more tomorrow. I’m exhausted and I should probably hit the sheets. Good night!

clinic!

September 14, 2010 at 9:38pm
Ok, so yesterday I lied when I said we had our first clinic. Haha. That was nothing. TODAY was our first legit clinic! It was crazy. We saw 100 patients and did 2 minor surgeries! I was the pharmacist for most of the day while Steph took care of registering the patients. The doctor works so fast and his writing is a typical doctor’s. haha. It took some decoding to figure out what it said. But I think I’ve pretty much got it down now. A man came in today with a tumor on his forehead, so right there in the dirt we set up a little operating room and cut that sucker out. Haha. When we got it out it was about the size of a golf ball!!! The doc sewed him up and we gave him a shot in the butt and he walked out of there. The next surgery was on a 15 year old girl. She had a small tumor in her hand. It was a pretty deep one, so the doc had to dig around for it a little. I got to hold instruments in place for him and help him stitch her up, I felt like a for real assistant. Haha. After that I had to give her a shot and I think she may have tensed her arm when I stuck her because the shot made her cry like a baby. I felt so bad, she had been so brave thru the whole surgery, but I guess the shot just put her over the edge. :( There is still a lot to learn, but for our first clinic I feel like it went really well. I actually felt useful today and I feel accomplished! It’s a great thing. :)
Well, tomorrow we off to another place for another clinic- and I’m sure it will be another long day so I’m off to bed.
“whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..” col. 3:23
“for we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing.” 2 cor. 2:15

pizza!

September 13, 2010
Today was our first “clinic”! We went back to KM 21, the trash dump village. It was mainly a dental clinic but Steph and I went too so that we could get the feel of it. The doc was there for a little while, but he left early to go work in Pucallpa. We gave out a few meds, and then we helped the dental team where we could. It was quite the deal packing all our equipment in the back of the truck. Three of us rode in the back and Caleb drove for the first time today! He did great, I even felt safe most of the time. He only stalled it twice. Haha. So anyway, at the clinic the dental people pulled some teeth and did a few cleanings. There really wasn’t too many people that showed up for it, which was a bit surprising but it was good practice for what is to come. Tomorrow we’re going to another village where there are about 100 families. KM 21 only has about 20 families, so it’s going to be more intense tomorrow. I hope I get to poke some people tomorrow! Haha
Lauren and I made some pizza for supper tonight! It’s pretty fun to try and make all sorts of food here. We made the dough like we do for tortillas, we had tomato paste for sauce, and we cut up lots of veggies and even a hot pepper! And we put a little garlic and cilantro on them too. It turned out so good! Everyone liked it a lot. :) I’m so excited to cook at home now, I feel so capable. If I can cook in Peru, I can cook anywhere. Haha. Cooking really has become one of my hobbies here, I like it a lot! :)
Oh, since I didn’t write yesterday I must tell you what happened. We lost power at 3 in the morning on Sunday and it was out till 3 in the morning on Monday! Now, that normally wouldn’t be that bad because we don’t use lights that much around here anyway, but when the power is out we can’t fill our water tower. Well, the water tower ran dry around noonish so we were in a pickle. Someone had told us it would probably be back on around 5 or 6 in the evening, so we were all ready for it- but alas, it didn’t come on. So we had some cold leftovers for supper. Haha. But there is one thing you can cook without water- cookies! :) Lauren and I created our own peanut butter oatmeal cookies and they were pretty much the bomb. Haha. We found all sorts of ways to entertain ourselves without power. Hanna has a super sweet camera and you can change the shutter speed on it. We did this cool thing where you write in the air with your flashlight and it captures the light and it really looks like words written in light. Its sooo cool! It’s kind of hard to explain, but I’ll try to put the pictures up soon so you can see!
Well, I have to get up pretty early tomorrow, so I’m going to head to bed. Night!

Monday, September 13, 2010

reminisce.

September 11, 2010 at 11:35 pm
Sabbath can be a very hard day for me. I find myself missing home more than usual. There is something about Sabbath and the feelings and memories it holds from home and school that just makes it harder. But, I also find that God really helps me thru it. This morning we had church and everything I was just struggling and trying not to be sad. I gave my family a call this afternoon and cried while I was talking to them. We had to go back to the church for JA, Jovenes Adventista (Adventist Youth) and I didn’t really want to go. But when we went I was really blessed. All we did was play bible games and sing songs, but somehow it was refreshing for me. I can’t really explain it, but afterwards I just felt a lot better and happier. This evening we made popcorn and the guys bought us pop and we had a movie night! :) It was fun, we have a great group of people here. I feel lucky to spend the next 8 months with them.
I feel so blessed to have such a strong support group back at home. My parents are always telling me that people are always asking how I am doing and that they are praying for me. And I get little comments on my Facebook from my friends saying they miss me and they’re praying for me. Those things mean SO much to me. Thank you everyone. I really honestly could not do this without you. Just knowing that so many people care makes me want to stay here and do my very best. Of course, I want to do that anyway, but the support sure means a lot. And how wonderful that I have a great boyfriend also giving a year of his life to serve in Pohnpei. I’m just a lucky girl. :) I love all of you!
Today also marks 9 years since 9/11. Time really flies. We were talking today about what each of us was doing on 9/11 and how we remember it. Most of us were in school and didn’t really understand what was happening, but all of us remember it. I remember being scared because I didn’t know what was happening, but it was clearly a tragedy. I always think of the families of all those who died when the towers fell. I can’t even imagine….
I would really like a cinnamon knot from Conroy’s bakery in Lincoln, so if anyone happens to go there sometime, would you eat one for me? They’re only like 75 cents. :) haha. It’s funny the things you miss when you can’t have them. You begin to realize it is the little things that do make a big difference. Not just food, but places, people, just little things…

unfathomable.

September 10, 2010 at 10:26
The pharmacy is finished! Finally! I thought I was going to be doing inventory for the rest of my life. That was such a big project. Much bigger than I had anticipated. Now I feel so accomplished, it looks so much better and it’s so organized.
We went to Pucallpa this morning as has been our tradition since we got here. Fridays seem to be a good day to take the afternoon off and go to the city. The market in Pucallpa is a happening place! Today was the first time I went to the big market in town and I have a funny story. We were shopping and I was standing waiting for the girls to buy some vegetables and this guy comes up to me and starts asking me where I’m from. He names all these random places like Canada and Australia and Germany. He goes on to tell me I look like the girls on the movies and I’m the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. I was laughing the whole time and I never did tell him where I was from. He moves along and we move on to buy the next thing we needed and then I see him walking toward us again. This time he tells Steph to watch as he serenades me right in the middle of the market. He starts singing at the top of his lungs and then he says something about me being his girlfriend and then walks off. It was quite hilarious. I can’t say I was flattered by his performance, but it makes for a good story. We found another good restaurant and another good place to get ice cream- which is very important. :)
I love Friday night because it’s the beginning of Sabbath. I just feel so peaceful on Friday night. However, this is the time when I really miss being home or being at Union. I miss vespers a lot and fellowshipping with my friends on Friday.
Sometimes I don’t know how I feel about being here. It’s kind of hard to explain. I feel like I’m just here, like I just go thru the motions sometimes. Tomorrow will be my 4th Sabbath here. That’s pretty crazy.
Tonight at supper we were discussing how big God is and the thought of him having no beginning, and trying to think about living forever and how God knows everything. All of those thoughts are so mind boggling. I have so many questions and I think sometimes I have mistakenly put God in a box. I think we have to realize that God is God and he’s a mystery. He’s so big and powerful and his love is completely, perfectly, HUGE. God has so much love, it’s unimaginable. At least for me. How awesome that we get to serve Him. I wish I could see him sometimes, or I could call him and we could just chat it up. I can’t wait for heaven. This morning I was reading in Ecclesiastes and 1 Corinthians and it was saying that we can’t even fathom what God has in store for us. What a mighty God we serve.
I’m falling asleep, so I guess that must mean it’s time I turn in for the night. :) Buenas Noches y Feliz Sabado.

Friday, September 10, 2010

guts.

September 9, 2010 at 10:16 pm


I feel like a champ nursing student. I learned how to do local anesthesia and sutures all in one day! How crazy is that?! Steph and I numbed each other’s fingers this morning. Let me tell you- that is a weird sensation. My finger got all poofy and when Steph touched it to see if it was numb it gave me the heebie jeebies. Haha :) very bazaar. Giving the anesthesia was a little scary because I’d never done it before and I wasn’t sure exactly how to do it, but the Doc said I did a good job, so I guess it was alright! Haha He tells us that we will be doing a lot of that and possibly removing people’s nails as well. That kinda grosses me out to be honest. He makes it sound like we’ll be doing a ton of stuff, so I’m pretty excited. This morning the dental team was working on a pig head because they were practicing pulling teeth. So, after they were done, we got to make cuts in it and learn how to do sutures! It was awesome. I was scared at first because when the Doc was showing us how to do it, he went to fast! And like a typical doctor, he didn’t slow down enough for those of us who have never done this before. Obviously, he’s very good at it, and very quick and he didn’t really care to slow down for us or patiently show us how. Fortunately Doctor Dianne (the dentist) was kind enough to show us in slow motion and she just really helped us out. I’m so thankful she is here. After I got the hang of it and figured out how to tie the knots right and all that it was really fun. We learned how to do 3 different types- simple, subdermal, and another that the Doc calls pack, but Doc Dianne calls it mattress. But anyway- super cool. I had a lot of fun. I really would rather poke other people with needles. :)

We’re almost done doing inventory in the pharmacy, we just need to finish labeling. That has been a LONG project. And it’s not my favorite. But, I do feel accomplished to have it all organized and everything. We are doing our first clinic on Monday I think! We’ll have to learn how to pack up all the stuff and everything. Yikes! I feel like there is A LOT of responsibility on Steph and my shoulders…

God is good, and I am tired. :) good night.

home.

September 8, 2010 at 10:44pm


I miss home. A lot. It’s hard to be in a strange place that you’re not accustomed to and put your whole heart into it and say this is where I am and this is home now. My home is Peru for the next 8 months. That’s crazy. I feel more adjusted to the culture and things like that, but it still seems odd to call this home. I talked to my parents tonight and it just made me miss my home so much. Home is where the heart is… sometimes I wonder where my heart is. I think my heart is in at least 3 places. Haha Oh my.. what to do.

Nothing really of note happened today… We went to the market again to get more food. I made applesauce. I learned a new word- culpa. It means fault. So I have another phrase- no es mi culpa. That means it’s not my fault. Haha clever, right? Oh, and another one of my favorite words- chiste. It means joke. :)

I did worship this morning and this was the verse I read- its super great. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24

needles.

September 7, 2010 at 11:08 pm


7 times! I got poked with a needle 7 times today!! 6 in my arms, once in my butt!!! Haha We were practicing IV’s and injections today! I love poking other people, but I really don’t like it when needles are coming at me. Especially at my rear end. Haha! We did IV’s first- Steph and I started on each other. I got my first one perfect, but the catheter wouldn’t thread. I missed the second and got the third on her. I think she got mine both times. Then we practiced on some of the other people here. Some were surprisingly willing to let us poke them. I was excited about that. :) And I stuck them all! Yay!! I’m so thankful for my instructors at school and being able to work in a hospital this summer- it has helped so much! So, next we had to practice injections. I have done a lot of them in school so I felt confident about it. We were injecting each other with sterile water so I didn’t think it would hurt when we pushed it in- wrong!! The initial stick didn’t hurt but as soon as Steph pushed the water in it burned soooo bad! My arm was sore for a while. Then we had to do one in the butt. I’m not even joking. Here’s how it went- The Doc told us how to find the right spot and all that and then he says, you need to practice on each other so you know where to stick it. At first we thought he was kidding because he’s a big joker- he wasn’t. So right there in the hall I basically had to expose one butt cheek so Steph could shoot me! I mean, we’re friends with the Doc, but I wasn’t expecting him to see my butt 4 weeks after I got here. Awkward. It was all very comical tho. (I hope you’re laughing by now. :) ) When Steph poked me I squealed and moved just slightly- well she got scared so she didn’t put the needle in all the way so she basically injected into the fat of my butt and not the muscle. It hurt sooo bad! It was sore for a while- still is, in fact. Haha! It was a rather eventful morning. OH! Then he was teaching us positions that we needed to put patients in for different exams- vaginal, anal, pap smear… Yes- all very personal problems. Well I then had to demonstrate for him with Steph giving me directions so he knew that we knew what to do. Oh my, all very awkward. It’s a good thing he laughs at everything, and I do too. Haha :) So, that was our rather eventful morning- thankfully we’re saving local anesthesia for tomorrow.

Well, it’s rather late so I’m going to hit the sack. I’m hoping the Spanish I studied tonight will just sink into my brain and I’ll be a genius tomorrow. Hahaha :)

My spirits are a bit better tonight. Still feeling a little down, but I’m trying really hard to stay positive. Prayer, as always is my answer.

Good night!

questions.

September 6, 2010 at 9:30 pm


Well… I guess I don’t know what I want to write about tonight. It’s been a few days since I wrote last because I felt like I didn’t really have much to say.. Things are kinda becoming routine I guess…

Sabbath was long. We had church, then an afternoon program, then something later in the evening. The evening event was playing games with the kids- which was fun, but tiring. Sunday was grocery shopping day. That about sums up the weekend.

Before I left, I didn’t really know what to expect. But for some reason I think I expected this experience to be a lot easier than it is proving to be. Being a missionary is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The language, the living conditions, the feelings everything brings… it’s just all hard, and it really wears me out. Sometimes I can feel myself becoming irritable or snappy.. I don’t like it. That’s not me and I don’t know what has gotten into me. I’ve tried to pray and ask for strength and patience, and just that God will guide me through each day… Maybe sometimes I’m not as sincere as I could be. I just feel that everyone else has it together and I don’t. I want to be a champ with my Spanish, or I want to be great with the kids, or I just want to be able to have a conversation with someone without stumbling over my words. I know in time it will come or whatever, but I hate time… Oh, this sounds like I have such a bad attitude… I really try not to! I have a lot to work on… I just have so many questions… like why am I here? Am I really cut out for this? What can I do to improve? Why do I feel so irritable? Why can’t I just be myself and be happy?

I’d just like a big hug from my parents and my sis and Mitchell… I think I really need to rededicate this whole thing to God and really spend that time in prayer just talking with Him. I know He’s got it all under control, but sometimes I just feel so lost and out of control I don’t know what to do… I feel like I could be better in so many ways or I wish I did things better… I’ve always been hard on myself and struggled with negative thoughts, but lately it’s been better.. Well- until I got here.

Please keep me in your prayers… it’s been a rough few days… I hope things will look better in the morning.

sing.

September 3, 2010 at 10:48 pm


I feel so close to God when I sing. It’s a feeling I can’t even describe- but it’s perfectly wonderful. Tonight all of us girls were in the other house just chillin’ and playing our ukes and guitar and we started singing. We sang for at least an hour. We picked our favorite hymns and praise songs. People would throw in a little harmony and just sing out so beautifully. It was perfect. I couldn’t think of a better way to start my Sabbath. I feel like all these girls are going to be life-long friends. Music just has a way of drawing people together. It was so peaceful and fun and oohhh I just loved every minute. Even though earlier today I was so mad about the internet not working because I wanted to talk to my parents and Mitchell. But now I just feel so happy and at peace. I love moments like this where I just feel good. God is good. :)

The rest of my day doesn’t even matter after tonight. It’s Sabbath now, and it’s a glorious day of rest. I’m so thankful for Sabbath. And I’m thankful I am where I am. I think I will make friends here that will last a lifetime. I miss everyone terribly, but tonight was a good night, and I’m focusing on the good. :)
September 1, 2010 at 10:05 pm


Wow! September is here already! I’ve been here for 2 and a half weeks- I can’t decide if it’s only 2 and a half weeks or if it is already 2 and a half weeks. Haha :) It’s been so much better this week- with all the other SM’s here I just have new energy and a new desire to do this. They are all awesome and I’m excited for what this year will bring!

It’s raining crazy hard right now, and I love the sound and the smell. :) it’s so peaceful to go to sleep to the sound of rain. My favorite.

Anyway, today we started our training I guess… The boys started working in the jungle with the locals and the girls went to see the schools and Steph and I sterilized instruments and made surgery packs for the Doc. Tomorrow we have to do inventory for the entire pharmacy… not really looking forward to that… Nothing super exciting or strange happened today. I went on a great run with Hanna and did some abs so I actually felt like I burned some calories. I miss my exercise routine! Haha.

The dentist comes tomorrow and she is bringing a box from my parents and I’m so excited! :) both for the box and to be trained by her about all the stuff we’re going to get to do!

Well, I’m really tired and if I write anymore it will probably just be nonsense. So good night. :)